Jun 15

Jun 15 Baby Makes Three!

It started as a normal day. We had just gotten back from our big trip to Israel the night before. I wrote Michael a note and stuck it in his flight bag "Have a GREAT day! I Looooooove you! <3 M"

I went off to Bible Study at Frontline where we discussed anger, where it comes from (the enemy), how God can heal it, and how we need to pray for forgiveness when it is out of control. Many women in my small group opened up about seeing their worst self in anger when interacting with their children. Something they wish desperately to change and have asked for forgiveness for continually.

I left bible study with a content heart- so thankful for the mothers who opened up. For this time to learn “well before” we become parents ourselves. Back in January we had decided to stop preventing pregnancy assuming it would take months, or even years until we had our first child. Seeing so many of my friends and acquaintances go through infertility and loss, I was scared to wait until I was desperately ready for a child only to be continually disappointed. The plan was a gamble, but we decided if we got pregnant right away we would be surprised but overjoyed! (of course in the back of our minds promising ourselves that would never happen so soon.)

I came home from bible study and a day full of running errands feeling especially energized and accomplished, threw on some music and began cooking dinner. At some point it crossed my mind that I should have gotten my period while we were on our Israel trip, but since going off birth control over 6 months prior I hadn’t had a completely regular cycle yet and didn’t think much of it. But then I reflected that my breasts had been super tender all day. Well- guess it wouldn’t hurt to take a test?

Upstairs I headed. I peed. The test immediately lit up with 2 VERY bright pink stripes. I’m not sure the exact words that came out of my mouth but I have a vivid memory of actually HEARING my heart pounding hard and loud in my chest. This can NOT be right. I took a test before our Israel trip just to be sure! It was close enough to my period to show positive- or so I thought. I immediately knew I needed to take another- but all the pee was gone! Chug, chug chug! I felt an echo from my college days but this time the drinking medium and goals in mind were very different. I squeaked out another 3 drops of pee on another stick and BAM. Two bright pink lines. There was no denying it. I went to the mirror and looked myself in the eyes trying to get ahold of this incredibly exciting but daunting information. I realized I was cold, sweating and shaking. “Omg I am putting myself into shock… Marissa… you HAVE to get ahold of yourself! This is good! It will all be okay!” So I sat down and immediately calculated my due date: November 8th- Michael’s birthday! I also realized for the first time that day it was March 6th- my Mom’s birthday! How incredibly special. The next thing I calculated was how far along into a pregnancy you can fly. Not only did we have quite a few fun trips planned this year, but our best friends in the entire world are getting married on October 6th… in Vancouver. I will be exactly 36 weeks. The cut off for air travel, and 2 weeks after the cut off for overseas travel. I was so disappointed- it was quite a cloud in this moment of confusion, joy and expectancy. I dreaded breaking the news to them… but first… how do I break the news to Michael… like THE news of the freaking century. He is going to be so surprised… will he be sad? Disappointed? Shocked? Mad? Excited?!? I had absolutely no idea what to expect.

I had always planned on jumping up and down in overjoyed excitement at the sight of those two pink lines and clearly that had not happened, so how would Michael respond? I had also planned on keeping my cool long enough to order those ridiculous stick-people-family car stickers so I could put them on Michael’s car: a mom, dad and baby, so I could somehow record his reaction of first anger at the stupid car decal, and then second of his realization there was a BABY involved. All this had been planned in my head for YEARS but on this day I realized- there was absolutely NO way I could wait days for that to come in. I didn’t think I could wait seconds for him to make it up the stairs when he got home. So off to the study I went to Pinterest neutral baby nurseries to keep my mind off the crazy life change that was currently growing and multiplying in my belly.

FINALLY I heard Michael’s car pull in the garage. Trunk slam closed. Car honk as he locked it. Door slam behind him. “Hey babe!” from the bottom of the stairs… “Hey honey!” (as calmly as I could muster). He plods up the stairs, comes into the office (where I had minimized the pinterest boards of cribs and adorable décor) and he turns his attention to the mail on his desk, not facing me, still holding his bag he asks “how was your day”….. oh, if ONLY he could have heard the one million thoughts running through my head as I answered “goooood”…. Then I couldn’t take it any longer, I jumped up, faced him and said “So I have some news… guess what?”

His eyes went wide and said “what?!?....."

“We’re pregnant”

“No…..”

“Yeah- I pinky promise this is not a joke, I am not kidding, this is real”

“Are you sure?!?”

“Want to see the pee sticks?!”

And upstairs we went…. The next few hours were spent discussing what this meant for us. Joy, fear, excitement, questions, laughter, anxiety…. The mix was an exhausting cocktail but one thing was for sure: we trusted God’s timing and could not have been more thrilled after all was said and done. We enjoyed a meal of eggplant parmesan (kind of ironic huh?) and then called our immediate family to tell them the good news. There was absolutely no waiting to be had. I was only 5 weeks but now that we knew, they HAD to know. Even if something went wrong, they would of course know about that too so we were in it together. Tears, smiles, surprise. They were some of the most wonderful skype calls of our lives.

I went to the doctor the next day, and after a false negative pee test, blood work ordered but delayed a day bc of systems being down, and a blood draw that left me feeling more than lightheaded (my fainting tendencies have made this journey an interesting one) I finally got the official word: we were expecting! And I was 5 weeks along.

The first ultrasound was absolutely magical. I have never been so in awe of anything in my life. There it was- a tiny little jelly bean with a fluttering heartbeat. Michael standing next to me in his flight suit, with a ridiculous march mustache, in GERMANY. This was all so surreal.

I am almost halfway through my pregnancy now and cannot believe how the time has passed. The bump is growing. Baby is happy and healthy- moving and grooving all the time- giving me strong little kicks and nudges as I type this out- almost to say: “how could you ever doubt? This is the perfect time for me to enter your lives! You may be far from your biological family, but you have never been surrounded with such community. Your marriage has never been stronger. You are ready to focus on others instead of yourself. You have friends in your life that love you and support you like actual family. I will be watched over. Loved. Held. Admired. And you two (and Roo)- you have got this. So I’ll keep growing and nudging you to show you how strong I am becoming, and you keep praying and preparing your hearts- because once I get into this world- you will explode with joy and love in ways you never thought possible. You just wait…”