May 1

May 1 David's Birth: Part I- Labor

*David’s birth was an experience that can hardly be summed up on the “pages” of this blog- but for memory’s sake, I have tried. This is certainly NOT the abridged version, thus it is LONG. Skim through, read what you would like, or pour a cup of coffee and get cozy, because I have chosen to take you along for every detail of the ride I can possibly remember. I hope you enjoy the journey.

LABOR

On November 7th- my actual “medical” due date (I told everyone it was November 8th because it’s Michael’s birthday and I just thought it would be the coolest thing for them to share a birthday) I went in for my weekly checkup. Elizabeth (my angel of a midwife and good friend) had suggested a membrane sweep if I was already far enough along. She knew how badly I wanted to have this birth with as FEW interventions as possible (or none at all), but if we could conduct a very minimally invasive intervention to get things going, it could keep from further interventions down the road if I were to go too far past my due date. So at my appointment (about 2:30pm) she checked me- 4 cm dilated!!! This was super exciting news, but I also knew not to get my hopes up- some women are many cm dilated for WEEKS and it doesn’t mean a thing. She did the sweep (woah- way more intense than I thought it would be!) and I immediately started feeling my contractions kick up a notch. I had been contracting fairly regularly for over a month, but these were different. Not only was my entire belly tightening, I was also feeling those period-like cramps too, making them much more uncomfortable. We left feeling hopeful, but I was prepared for this early labor to last a few days, trying to manage my expectations as best I could. I was, however, absolutely ready to meet our baby, felt as prepared as I could be for labor, and even packed my bag before heading to the hospital just in case.

We went home and tried to relax, but I felt like a little busy body. Taking care of random tasks around the house, even prepared Michael’s hospital bag. That evening we went to life group at the DiCampli’s house (my midwife and her family are part of our life group- yes, God is SO good.) We had a lovely dinner of chicken and potatoes (thankful it was a simple meal in case I saw it in reverse during labor- luckily that did not happen!) The whole time we were there I was getting increasingly more uncomfortable, contractions were not building but were becoming more painful and it was harder for me to focus on the study. While we were there Elizabeth asked to put me on her favorites list so if I called while her phone was on silent that night it would go through. I was surprised by this because I was hoping to sleep through early labor all night, have things kick up in the morning and head to the hospital tomorrow afternoon at the EARLIEST. But she seemed pretty adamant that I might be calling in the middle of the night. She was right.

Once home, we crawled in bed and tried to get some sleep. I got a few hours before the contractions were so painful I could no longer sleep through them. I didn’t want to wake anyone yet (I am the same way when I am sick- suffer in silence until absolutely necessary to call for back up) so at about 1:00am I headed to the bathroom where I cranked the radiator (I was freezing for some reason. Shock? Body processing everything? The fact that it was the middle of the night?) and rocked back and forth with my hands on the window sill during each contraction. Sipping water in between and gazing out at the still, fall night in Bosenbach, the few street lights illuminating houses here and there. At one point I got so tired I brought some blankets and my pregnancy pillow into the bathroom to try to relax a bit in between contractions. That in-between time was swiftly decreasing though, and I could barely lay down and get comfortable before it was time to pop back up and work through another contraction.

2:40am – I was finally in enough pain to wake up Michael for support if nothing else. I was still convinced I would labor through the night at home but I had started tracking my contractions and in the last hour and a half they went from 5 minutes apart to 2 ½ minutes apart. Which if I could remember correctly, was pretty darn close together. I told Michael I wanted to call Elizabeth. He dutifully told me to hold off until 3am just to give myself more time. He knew how badly I wanted to labor at home as LONG as possible and was prepared to “hold me off” as long as he could. But then again, nobody wants to have a baby on the Autobahn.

2:50am- I made the call to Elizabeth. I was still a bit in denial it was happening so fast and hated the idea of driving 35 minutes to the hospital only to be potentially turned around and make that drive 3 more times while in such active labor. I also felt SO bad having to wake everyone in the middle of the night- especially if it was still early in the game. Elizabeth answered and we had a little chat. I remember her telling me “let’s just head on into the hospital, if you are not as far along as YOU want to be to stay, I will not admit you”- these words were music to my ears. I was so intent on having an intervention-free birth, one of my biggest fears was getting to the hospital too early and then being asked to start on Pitocin or something else to move labor along. So I told her we would head in SLOWLY. Luckily I had already packed our bags, so it was a last minute gathering of things, changing clothes and moving at a glacial pace to the car. I remember reading in one of the baby books that if it takes you less than 10 minutes to get to the car, its still too early, stay home. Well I have absolutely no concept of how long it took me to get from our upstairs bathroom down to the basement garage and into the car, but it felt like it took a LONG time. Into the dark, cold night we went!

3:30am- I remember people telling me the drive to the hospital during contractions is NOT fun- then I read someone say all contractions are painful, so riding in the car was no different. I agree with the former. I wanted to MOVE, change positions, lean forward and sway my hips. This brought the most relief. And none of that was to be had strapped into a car. I remember thinking Michael was FLYING down the road- but he swears he was abiding by the speed limit. I didn’t mind moving fast, I was ready to get to the hospital and get this show on the road!

THE HOSPITAL

4:00am- Walking in was painful and I had to stop frequently to wait for a contraction to pass. I remember getting to the stairs/elevator to head up to delivery and Michael attempted to head for the stairs. I don’t think the look I gave him was very pleasant. To his defense, I told him I wanted to labor at home as LONG as possible and stay as active and mobile as possible the entire time. So to him, stairs made perfect sense. In that moment though- they might as well as been mount Everest, there was literally no way it could have happened. Into the elevator we went! When we walked into Labor and Delivery I can hardly remember even having my eyes open. I leaned on the counter, swaying through each contraction while Michael filled out my paperwork. They were preparing a triage room for me, but I think when they saw how close together and intense my contractions were, they opted to skip triage and put me straight in a room. I heard them say room number and knew it wasn’t the “right one”. You see- they had ONE room that had the labor tub, squatting stool, lots of room to move around etc. Elizabeth had told me they will offer it to women who want to labor naturally and utilize all the tools (ME! ME! ME! YES, ME!) I was surprised to hear them say “Room 2” and not even ask if I was interested in the natural birth room, especially because I was the ONLY woman on Labor and Delivery that night. Luckily my mom was in the know and asked if that was the natural labor room, telling them I was hoping to have it. They responded “oh, no its not. We can put her in room 1” (Okay great! But why didn’t you ask or offer it in the first place?!? Thanks Mom!) Right about then I see Elizabeth round the corner all suited up in her purple scrubs. I’m not sure why that surprised me, probably because I rarely see her in them! She wears civilian clothes to our centering appointments and otherwise I see her at church, Life group etc. I think that made it feel REAL. I was SO glad to see her! She lead the way to Room #1!

4:30- The next 20 minutes were probably the most annoying of the entire experience. Here I was wanting to just continue laboring and move around and they plop me in the hospital bed, hook me up to the fetal monitor, a blood pressure cuff, a heart rate monitor, set my saline lock, DRAW BLOOD (!!!!), ask me a ton of questions and get me to sign paperwork! I’m sure it was all standard procedure (for a hospital… sigh) but it just felt like a LOT of medical stuff at once. I was flustered to say the least, but luckily they moved quickly and it was all over soon and I was well on my way to (drumroll please for the MVP of the night)… the TUB!

5:00am- Ah heaven. When I slid my swollen, 9 month pregnant, heavy body into that huge warm tub, I hadn’t felt so good in hours. The pain was instantly more bearable, I felt light as a feather to have most of my body submerged. And I could rock forward and kneel, leaning my head on my hand on the side of the tub to work through the contractions. I moved back and forth between reclining and this kneeling position for an hour or so until I started to feel some serious pressure. I wish I hadn’t said anything though because they used that as my cue to get out of the tub. Ugh. I remember stepping out at their persistence only to feel cold and HEAVY. Like my belly weighed 1,000 lbs all of a sudden. Not to self: next labor, wait until you feel like the baby is about to absolutely pop out or you feel like you just HAVE to push before getting out. Or don’t, and have a water birth. Unfortunately, water births are not authorized in military hospitals yet. It was while I was in the tub that both Kari, my doula, and my best friend Cody, who agreed to take pictures for me, arrived! I remember opening my eyes long enough to say “hey girl” and give what I hoped was a smile, before I went back into my own world.

I remember reading that for women who practice yoga, breathing techniques, meditation etc. that they tend to go inward into their own little world during labor. I wasn’t sure what to expect of myself, but I remember thinking “yeah- I could see myself doing that.” And sure enough- I don’t think I opened my eyes for more than a few seconds the entire time I was in labor. That said, I was fully aware of the hands taking care of me, offering a cold wash cloth or back massage and the voices encouraging me and asking if I would like more water (YES PLEASE!). That was another thing- I was pretty adamant about self-hydrating and not having to receive IV fluids but had heard that sometimes drinking is the LAST thing you want in labor. While food WAS absolutely the last thing from my mind (maybe I should have eaten in early labor to keep my energy up longer?!) I was absolutely parched all throughout labor and was usually very happy to take a huge swig of water or Gatorade- my “boost” drink of choice (ice blue, in case you were wondering.) Thankful for Michael and Kari who offered me a sip after almost every single contraction. I was able to stay hydrated and did not need fluids. I DID however have the urge to pee for a long time and was unable to do so, so I ended up asking for a catheter. An intervention I wanted to avoid whole-heartedly because UTI’s are literally my nightmare, but in the moment the thought of my bladder exploding or getting in the way of the baby descending outweighed my fears. Weird thing about childbirth- a lot of fears go out the window when you are in the middle of the pain. Perhaps why it exists in the first place? To help us make sound, confident decisions about our health and the health of the baby without letting fear get in the way? Just a thought…

PUSHING

6:00am- Once out of the tub, I moved to the squatting stool/robozo contraption bc I honestly thought that was where I wanted to give birth. I had read so much about how laying on your back restricts your pelvis opening I was pretty adamant about NOT giving birth laying on my back in the bed. What I did NOT anticipate was such a long pushing stage, leaving me exhausted and thankful for the full body release I could achieve between pushes when laying on the bed. So I sat on the squatting stool and was having some serious back labor all of a sudden so Elizabeth massaged some deep blue into my lower back and it was absolutely wonderful. It was firm, big movements of pressure and really helped relieve things. Soon after she checked me again and told me I was at 10 cms! Considering I had been in active labor no longer than 5 hours I was pretty thrilled to hear this! She said that whenever I felt the urge, I could start pushing. I was leaning forward with my arms in the hanging robozo fabric but felt unsteady in this position. The weird thing about labor, though, is that while you can have one million preferences going into it, I really needed someone to coach me through a lot of it and continue to offer different positions etc. So I wasted quite a bit of energy in an inefficient position on the squatting stool. The one cool thing, though, was that while I was pushing on the stool I got to watch my water break right underneath me! It was this intense WHOOSH as it came out and splashed all over the floor, going everywhere. At some point this nurse who I wasn’t crazy fond of up until that point (silly enough I cannot remember why, just that I didn’t like her for some reason) squatted down in front of me and got my attention- amazingly I opened my eyes and saw hers right in front of mind. She explained to me HOW to push. To take a deep breath when I feel a contraction coming on and when it peaks to push with all I have to the count of 8, exhale and do that twice more before relaxing completely between contractions. Maybe this is how everyone does it, or they were special instructions? But they WORKED. I could finally hone in on when a push was a good one or made no progress. Some pushes were superficial while others went DEEP and I could really feel working.

Pretty soon thereafter there was a shift change and a whole new group of nurses came in. At this point we had quite a crowd in the room: Michael, my mom, Kari (Doula), Cody (Photographer), Elizabeth (Midwife), baby nurse + her trainee and mom nurse + her trainee, and then the occasional anesthesiologist and pediatrician checking in. It was quite lively! The new nurse team asked me to move to the bed. I resisted because like I said, I THOUGHT I did not want to labor there. But I could not deny the fact that I had been pushing less than an hour and had made little progress and was exhausted. I think everyone thought the pushing would go a lot faster. They had already turned on the machines for the baby which kept beeping to be turned off because they had been sitting there so long.

7:00am (ish?) In any case I consented and moved to the bed where I tried pushing in a few different positions… for a total pushing time of 3 hours and 23 minutes. (yikes) There were moments where I honestly thought “I do not have anything left. I don’t know how I will be able to do this” but then I said a prayer for strength, allowed the worship music playing on repeat to wash over me, and could feel a palpable relief. The Lord’s spirit truly washed over me, soothed my tired muscles, gave me peace and a boost of energy. Enough to push through the next contraction. And then the next. And again and again. Those prayers for strength were everything. That and holding Michael’s hand, hearing everyone in the room cheer me on each and every contraction and push. “You can do it!” “You are so close” “Let’s do it mama!” Those words of encouragement spoke volumes.

9:00am+ I honestly had no concept of time. I remember glancing at the clock at one point thinking I wouldn’t be surprised if it was still the middle of the night or already the middle of the day- I could have been there for minutes or days and it made no difference. The phrase “living in the moment” had never rang so true. I kept visualizing his sweet little head just moving further and further down the birth canal, closer and closer to meeting our sweet baby- and finding out if it was a boy or a girl! Twice they asked if I wanted to feel the head, which I surprised myself by saying yes! The first time I felt it I was so surprised by how squishy it was! It felt more like pizza dough… not a babies skull! It was so encouraging to know the baby was so close. The second time they asked if I wanted to feel it and did, I was discouraged because I felt like it hadn’t moved. I was expecting it to be almost halfway there but there was enough head showing to make an almond shape… not what I was hoping for. While he was that low was the only time all of labor that there was no relief in between contractions. The way he was sitting in my pelvis was causing so much pressure it was simply painful the ENTIRE time whether I was pushing or not. It kept taking my breath away it was so intense. Elizabeth asked me to cough in between contractions, which pushes your pelvic floor down, helping him stay in place. Otherwise I would push and make progress and then during my rests in between pushes he would “gopher hole” back up, basically erasing my progress. This is part of why I pushed so long. He was also in a bit of a funky position leaning his head to the side slightly, so he was not coming straight down.

(small warning- the next paragraph contains a bit more “sensitive” content , proceed if you wish!)

At one point I remember saying “I just wish there was a way to make this go faster” knowing I was running out of steam and starting to get a little nervous about how I would keep up the energy. She said “well there is, but you aren’t going to like it.” I don’t remember my exact response but it was something along the lines of “I’ll try anything at this point.” On my next contraction, as I started pushing, she literally reached inside me on either side of David’s head and physically pulled my sit bones apart, creating a larger opening for him to descend. If it was physically possible, things just became 10x more painful. BUT- I could actually FEEL the progress! Before it was just a ton of pressure, but now I could really feel him descending and getting closer and closer to this world. We did this for a few contractions and then Elizabeth told me I would soon be crowning, feeling the ring of fire. She would have me pause there and wait a contraction or two, giving my skin a chance to stretch out while she massaged it with mineral oil. All this would help me not to tear.

9:22am- Unfortunately, before we could get to that point I heard baby’s heart rate drop dramatically. BEEP…. BEEP…. BEEP. I knew that wasn’t good and to confirm my fears I heard Elizabeth whisper calmly to the nurse “we need to get this baby out.” Then she turned to me and said simply and without worry or anxiety- “Marissa- its time for us to get this baby out.” It was then that I surprised myself. Instead of being full of fear, I simply knew in just moments I would meet my sweet baby, one way or another.